LGBT parenting options

For LGBTQ+ couples or individuals the path to parenthood can seam overwhelming. Whist some of the routes may not be options for you, you might be surprised by how many different pathways to parenting there are. Having a family when you identify as LGBTQ+ means there may be some hurdles to get over that most heterosexual couple do not have to consider. Financial obstacles, legal hurdles and logistical issues are all things you may need to deal with.

Below is a an overview of several options available to the lgbtq+ community.

Adoption and fostering.

In 2005 the law changed to allow adoption orders to be granted to unmarried couples. Including those in a same sex relationship. Since then the number of single and couples who identify as lgbtq+ and chose to adopt has continued to increase. The UK adoption agencies have become one of the world leaders at assessing, approving and placing children with lgbtq+ adopters.

Who can adopt?

You don’t need to be married or in a civil partnership you just need to show that you live together in an enduring relationship. Single adopters are also welcome.

Aged 21 or over.

Having a disability wont prevent you from adopting, provided you can care for the child.

You don’t have to be a British national but you do need to have been living in the UK for at least a year prior to application.

If you have space and security for a child to grow up you will be considered. You don’t need to own your own home.

A criminal record won’t necessarily rule you out. Offences against children will bar you from adopting but other offences would be carefully looked into.

You can adopt if you already have children. Many lgbtq+ couples form blended families and go on to adopt together.

There is no upper age limit.

If you decide that adoption might be right for you its time to find an agency and start the formal evaluation process. You can make initial enquiries to as many agencies as you wish before deciding on one that you are happy working with. Once decided you will register and have initial checks including things like references and background checks. This stage usually takes around 2 months.

At the next stage you will be allocated a social worker who will work with you assessing your strengths before presenting a report to the adoption panel. This stage takes around 4-6 months.

At stage three you will begin the matching process. Your adoption agency will work with local authorities to find the right child for you. A matching panel will make the final decision.

Stage 4 is when you spend time getting to know a child who you have been matched with. There will be a series of visits and short stays supported by a social worker before the child can move in.

You and your child will continue to be supported by a social worker until the adoption order is granted. The minimum period of the child living with you before the order can be granted is 10 weeks.

Surrogacy

Surrogacy is a route to parenthood where intended parents work with a female who will care for and grow their babie(s) until birth. Some surrogates will use their own eggs and the sperm of the intended parent or donor sperm chosen by the intended parents. Others will be gestational surrogates and carry the embryo created by the intended parents using their own eggs and/or sperm or donor eggs and/or sperm.

Surrogacy is often seen as the option for gay men who want to have a biological connection to the child but many other lgbtq+ people choose surrogacy for many different reasons just as heterosexual couples or singles sometimes chose this option too.

For many couples the question of who will be the biological parent will need to be addressed, for some the question may already be answered either by medical conditions or choices made before hormone therapy. Its important to discuss with your partner the feelings and implications of being the biological or non biological parent.

How does surrogacy work?

Discuss your options with your partner and decide the best route for you. Will you use donor eggs and/or sperm? Will one of you be the biological parent, if so who?

Fertility clinics aren’t allowed to find a surrogate for you. There are organisations such as surrogacy uk and brilliant beginnings who can help match you with a surrogate or you may have a friend or family member willing to help. However you choose to find your surrogate its important to build a trusting and honest relationship.

A fertility clinic will work with all 3 of you to create an embryo and and beging the pregnancy.

Egg and sperm banks provide you with a choice of donor profiles for you to choose from. You then select and purchase online.

Working with your surrogate through pregnancy you can follow the growth of your babie(s) in the ways you have agreed to. Some intended parents attend every appointment with the surrogate, some will only attend scans whilst some may only be in contact through zoom due to distance. Usually these details are discussed with the potential surrogate at the start of the process.

When the child is born the surrogate is the legal parent of the child until this right has been transferred to the parents either by parental order or adoption. This is the case even if the surrogate is not the biological mother of the child.

Surrogacy is legal in the uk but it is unlawful to pay a surrogate a fee. You can however agree on reasonable expenses.

Disputes are rare but they do happen. A surrogacy agreement can be formed but it will not be legally binding, however it would be a starting point to resolution if a dispute was to take place. If surrogacy is the option for you it is strongly advised that you seek legal advice what ever your situation.

Sperm/egg donation and clinical procedures.

There are a few possible options here. If one of the intended parents is able to carry a baby they can uses either their own eggs, partners eggs or eggs of a donor. Sperm can be from a known donor or from a sperm bank. The options for using a donor will largely depend on your biology capabilities and personal preferences.

Some of the available options are:

Donor insemination at home using a known donor. The person carrying the baby will use their own egg.

Penis in vagina.

Insemination via clinic. The egg and/or sperm can be from either parent or a donor. The egg is fertilised and grown to an embryo in a lab before being placed in the uterus. The person carrying may or nay not be the biological parent. This process is called IVF

Reciprocal IVF. This is when two biologically female partners take part in the reproductive process. One provides the egg and the other carrying the baby. Donor sperm is needed here.

IUI is a process of insemination where the sperm is directly inserted into the cervix or uterus. This mimics the process of fertilisation by penile intercourse. Performed by a doctor at a clinic the sperm can be from the intended parent, a known donor or an anonymous donor.

There are legal implications to be aware of and consider when choosing a donor and method of insemination. Please read lgbtq+ parenting and the law for more information.